I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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