Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love having hate sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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