i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
