We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
