she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
