I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
