I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if only i could text you this smell
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
