I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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