Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
