That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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