If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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