bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
