Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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