Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
