May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
