you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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