someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
