you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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