Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
