you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
