turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
