I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
