Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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