You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
