Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
