At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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