During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
