I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
