my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
do nipples grow back?
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