There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
