Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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