someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I supernannyed him into submission
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
