in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
