I'm so fucking centered right now
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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