they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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