I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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