we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
