How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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