i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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