conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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