i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
