At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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