if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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