If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
