its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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