If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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