they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
