You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
