New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
