I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
