Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
