I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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