My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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