did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
