Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Found the puke drawer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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