ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
