I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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