I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
