i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
