Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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