I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
