you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
