took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
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At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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