i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
