ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
