just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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