Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
