What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
