I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
