You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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