every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
