There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
