nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love having hate sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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