I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
