I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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