i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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