Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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