they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
