I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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