So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
