"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
