Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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