Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We got so high we made milksteak
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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